03094cam a2200337 4500 1164114594 TxAuBib 20121117120000.0 111209s2012||||||||||||||||||||||||eng|u 2011050662 9780399159015 hbk. 0399159010 hbk. DLC DLC DLC TnLvILS TxAuBib Lawson, Jenny, 1979- Let's pretend this never happened : a mostly true memoir / Jenny Lawson. Let us pretend this never happened. New York : G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2012. 318 p. : ill. ; 24 cm. I was a three-year-old arsonist -- My childhood: David Copperfield meets Guns & Ammo magazine -- Stanley, the magic talking squirrel -- Don't tell your parents -- Jenkins, you motherfucker -- If you need an arm condom, it might be time to reevaluate some of your life choices -- Draw me a fucking dog -- And that's why Neil Patrick Harris would be the most successful mass murderer ever -- No one ever taught me couch etiquette -- Just your average engagement story -- It wasn't stew -- Married on the Fourth of July -- There's no place like home -- A series of helpful post-it notes I left around the house for my husband this week -- The dark and disturbing secrets HR doesn't want you to know -- If you see my liver, you've gone too far -- My vagina is fine. Thanks for asking -- Phone conversations I had with my husband after I got lost for the eighty thousandth time. And then I got stabbed in the face by a serial killer -- Thanks for the zombies, Jesus -- Making friends with girls -- I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in tht Iam both "great and terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains) -- The psychopath on the other side of the bathroom door -- An open letter to my husband who is asleep in the next room -- Just to clarify: we don't sleep with goats -- Stabbed by chicken -- It wasn't even my crack -- Honestly, I don't even know where I got that machete: a comic tragedy in three (parts) days -- I'm going to need an old priest and a young priest -- And that's why you should learn to pick your battles -- Hairless rats: free for kids only -- And I snuck a dead Cuban alligator on an airplane -- You can't go home again (unless you want to get mauled by wild dogs. Library Journal, 110111, p. 58. Publisher's Weekly, 031212, p. 55. Booklist, 040112, p. 19. Kirkus Review - Adult,040112. Internet star Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her comedic and pointed debut. Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor. 20130819. Lawson, Jenny 1979- Journalists United States Biography. Humorists, American 21st century Biography. TXKIP